What a long way I’ve come since my last post in 2012. I remember when I wrote that, I really didn’t think there was any hope. I thought it was over for my writing, for my book. But it’s not.
I don’t remember exactly what did it, but earlier this year, a wave of inspiration hit me so hard and I finished Behind the Chimera. I didn’t just finish it a little bit…I finish it a lot. Like the entire thing, lol. And it was the greatest feeling. So I did what I had planned. I sent it out to a huge number of literary agents. And not surprisingly, they all said no.
But that was okay. Because I knew Plan B was to self-publish. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’ve commissioned an awesome artist, Jonathan Hunt, to do my book cover. It’s costing me $600, but it’s money well spent. Besides, I knew my cover was going to be the most expensive part. I need something amazing. Something beautiful. Something to capture an audience. And that’s just what I’m going to get.
His deadline is September 15, so if it takes him that long, I plan on publishing the following day.
I’m so excited. I know I can do this. It’s all coming together! My book, after over 10 years of floating around, is finally going to be published and read by the world! AAAAAAAAH!!!!!
I’ll post here closer to the release date. See ya soon!
I had a meeting with my therapist the other day where I spoke to her, at length, about how in the past year, I have lost all my confidence in my writing. If you’re wondering why, well, it’s a long story. 2011 I consider probably the worst year of my life to date. It was deceptive and devastatingly difficult. My writing, my innocent talent, suffered as a result.
Going on a year now, I have come to a complete halt with Behind the Chimera. I am inspired, but…unable to create anything. It’s some kind of twisted self-assured constipation. I told Gina that I feel towards my art, a way I never have. I feel disconnected. I know I love it, but it feels…artificial. My therapist told me something I didn’t want to hear. Something I don’t want to do. Not when I’m this close.
“Take a break. Put the whole book away. Don’t torture yourself by setting it out and staring at it, producing nothing.
Admit that you need a break from it. Put it away. Put it away.”
I was unwilling at the time. But now…no matter how close BtC is to being done…for maybe the 3rd or 4th time in its existence, I am putting it away.
I can’t say for just how long.
But I think it’s going to be a while.
I am going through so much lately, and the added pressure, the exhausting concentration that book needs, I’m unable to provide.
However, I’m not going to give up writing. I wonder if maybe this block and loss of confidence is in part because of the book I choose to work on–Behind the Chimera.
So, I’m packing away BtC tonight. I’m replacing it in the drawer where It Leads to Hell awaits. I’m going to work on this novel in the meantime. Maybe, just maybe, there’s still hope.
Just read my first book in man…a year? I dunno. Thank you, Kindle, because I probably wouldn’t have read it were it not that this damn electronic device makes reading so bloody convenient. I have to admit…Yes, I am starting to convert to totally ebooky. I mean, paperback is great. Nothing like holding the book in your hands. But man, the ease of holding an entire book with one hand laying on my back in bed!
So the (fucking incredible) book was Come Out Tonight. Yes, another Richard Laymon book.
Anyway, more importantly. So I’ve decided part of my procrastination with writing comes from how unhappy I am with the second half of the book. It is just…I mean, we go from a super dark, weird, creepy planet to mermaids and magic and cuteness? No way.
So I am no longer using Matt’s edits. I’m keeping them just in case. I’m actually just going chapter by chapter and writing notes in my notebook. Then I’m basically redoing everything so that Ian is more-or-less taking the same path as he was, except his experiences will be vastly different.
So for example. He originally ends up in Spectrum Desert. What is it? Well, in the draft back in ’05, it was just a super hot desert. Boooooriiiing. So for the 2007 revamp, I made it “cool.” Added black sand, white sand, added cliffs and sand whales and all this stuff. Stuff that for a fantasy novel would be perfect, but for a dark fantasy/horror/sci fi, it’s garbage.
So I got rid of the entire desert idea. I’m going to possibly even change the name. Now, Desert is part of the title (it’s in transition of course) because it’s going to be a city that’s deserted. Clever, I know (ha…).
I just have way too many shitty fantasy elements and I need them gone. The story needs to go darker, not lighter. My third main character in the novel comes in around this part of the book. It’s a young girl. A very tough character to use in a dark book since it’s too easy to make her overly cutesy, overly kid-like, too light-hearted. Bah. So…well, let’s just say I’m “pulling a Laymon” with her. ^_~
Sorry V…don’t take everything I hit with you too personally. Eek!