I had a meeting with my therapist the other day where I spoke to her, at length, about how in the past year, I have lost all my confidence in my writing. If you’re wondering why, well, it’s a long story. 2011 I consider probably the worst year of my life to date. It was deceptive and devastatingly difficult. My writing, my innocent talent, suffered as a result.
Going on a year now, I have come to a complete halt with Behind the Chimera. I am inspired, but…unable to create anything. It’s some kind of twisted self-assured constipation. I told Gina that I feel towards my art, a way I never have. I feel disconnected. I know I love it, but it feels…artificial. My therapist told me something I didn’t want to hear. Something I don’t want to do. Not when I’m this close.
Take a break. Put the whole book away. Don’t torture yourself by setting it out and staring at it, producing nothing. Admit that you need a break from it. Put it away. Put it away.
I was unwilling at the time. But now…no matter how close BtC is to being done…for maybe the 3rd or 4th time in its existence, I am putting it away.
I can’t say for just how long.
But I think it’s going to be a while.
I am going through so much lately, and the added pressure, the exhausting concentration that book needs, I’m unable to provide.
However, I’m not going to give up writing. I wonder if maybe this block and loss of confidence is in part because of the book I choose to work on–Behind the Chimera.
So, I’m packing away BtC tonight. I’m replacing it in the drawer where It Leads to Hell awaits. I’m going to work on this novel in the meantime. Maybe, just maybe, there’s still hope.